Although I love helping lash artists start, build and grow a thriving lash business, sometimes I like to get real with you guys about things going on in my personal life.
Unfortunately, it can’t be sunny with clear blue skies every day of the week. Sometimes, it rains and other times, those showers turn into whirlwind tornadoes that threaten to destroy everything you’ve worked so hard to achieve.
That’s what it’s like to run a lash business. You have good days and then you have not so good days where you feel like throwing in the towel and re-starting your entire career over again from the beginning. The good news is that you’re not alone. We all feel like giving up sometimes. Heck, there was a time in my life when every day felt like a battle just to survive.
So, I wanted to share some of these stories with you and give you a “behind the scenes” look into my personal life and the journey that lead me and The Lashpreneur Society into what it is today.
But…I didn’t want to recall the whole story myself. What would be the fun in that?
Instead, my husband Chris Walsh opens up about what it was like to witness the journey of The Lashpreneur, including the good times, the bad times and the really bad times. Don’t worry though, this story does have a happy ending and although life is far from perfect, we’re doing better than ever.
{If you want to listen to the podcast episode on this topic, click on the player at the top of the post. Alternatively you can watch the video below, or read on…}
Chris get diagnosed with PTSD
Running a business, being a parent and trying to live the “American dream” is difficult enough as it is but throw in PTSD and you’ve got a blend for disaster.
The truth is that we hit rock bottom with our marriage
We were both unhappy in the relationship and although it’s heart-breaking to admit, there were times when we thought about calling it quits for good.
My husband Chris was diagnosed with PTSD about a year ago, around the same time we were going to marriage counseling in an attempt to salvage what we could. Our son was just three years old and our daughter was nine months. So, as you can imagine, we had our hands full at the time of Chris’ diagnosis.
Chris was in the military for years and his PTSD is triggered by noise. Having two very young children in the house didn’t exactly settle his symptoms. Whenever the noise level in the house increased, his PTSD was triggered, and he would go into flight or fight mode.
When the kids screamed or yelled, it brought Chris right back into the moment of his trauma, causing him to re-live the ordeal again and again. It wasn’t something he could control yet and he found it really difficult. We all did.
“It didn’t necessarily have to do with Tara or what was going on, I would just blow up at random times.”
Working together inside The Lashpreneur
You’ve probably heard that you shouldn’t work with your spouse. Well, we ignored that warning and did it anyway.
I was trying my best to support Chris because he had left the military and was trying to get accustomed to civilian life. He came from a very structured lifestyle and now he needed to figure out what he wanted to do as a career.
So, he started to help me out in the business. He worked with me, not for me. He worked on the audio and video content for the podcast, which actually turned out to be the catalyst that helped him discover something he had a genuine passion for.
However, he spent long days editing all my content and um…I guess he was getting tired of hearing me coaching lash artists all day and decided it was time for a break. Don’t worry, I didn’t take it personally. I was happy that he found something that he loved doing.
“I had a passion for this a long time ago when I was a teenager and I enjoy doing it now. So that’s what pushed me into the graphic design, and getting into audio, video, and learning how to actually produce good content.”
Struggles, doubts and time apart
Although Chris had been a huge help in the business, we weren’t making enough money, which put a lot of strain on me since I was the main breadwinner at the time. I didn’t feel like Chris had my back and it wasn’t his fault. The PTSD had caused him to internalize his issues or get himself worked up so much that it was almost impossible to talk through things rationally.
There were times before his diagnosis that I thought…this is it. This is who he is now. The person who I thought would be my life partner in all of this is gone. At first, we thought it was depression. It wasn’t until we found a really good therapist that we discovered PTSD was the root of the problem.
People who have PTSD often handle their trigger by responding in anger, which is usually how Chris would cope with it. PTSD was tearing our family apart but once we got real help, we realized that we could find a way to get through it.
We still loved each other and we both agreed that we wanted to make our marriage work no matter what
A part of that was giving Chris the space he needed to deal with his PTSD. He couldn’t do it at home because a busy family life is a noisy one and since noise was the main trigger, he needed peace and quiet.
The key to deal with PTSD is separating the emotion from the trigger. To do this effectively, Chris needed to separate himself from the source of the trigger. In other words, he needed time away from our kids, the noise and the stress of trying to deal with it all at once.
I ended up taking my kids and moving in with my parents, which was definitely not something I wanted to do. I mean, you don’t get married and think that one day you’ll end up right back where you started, except now you’ve got more mouths to feed and your husband is living under a different roof.
It was really tough and the first week was one of the hardest times in my life. I thought we were done. Thoughts ran through my head about divorce and joint custody. I didn’t want a divorce, but I knew I had to hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
Building a business in tough times
While all of this was happening and Chris was back at school and going to therapy for his PTSD, I was trying to build The Lashpreneur into something that could actually support my family.
Now that Chris was absent a lot of the time, I felt as though everything weighed heavily on my shoulders. I had a mountain of tasks to do every day and if I didn’t start taking in more money through the business, my kids wouldn’t eat. It was as simple and terrifying as that.
I was stressed, sleep-deprived and depressed. To help me through it, I recorded an episode of the Lessons of a Lashpreneur where I opened up about my struggles. There was no happy ending in my story, just a lot of stress and heartbreak. The support I received from our community helped me to keep my head high and move forward.
Things turned around for us that February, when we launched The Lashpreneur Society again and this time, it was a complete success. The flood gates opened and the lashpreneurs kept coming, helping to take us out of survival mode.
Chris and I also started going to therapy together and I felt like I could finally breathe again. The success of the membership paired with therapy and our determination to make it work took us one step closer to our goal of buying our own house, mending our marriage and coming together again as a family.
It wasn’t always easy of course, as Chris recalls:
“I remember you saying, ‘I’m just going to shut the whole thing down,” and I was like, you know where the weaknesses are, and you know how to make the changes to turn it around.”
With Chris’ support, I was able to silence the inner voice that wanted me to quit and instead, I worked hard to turn the business into something that would help sustain my family.
Chris shared his point of view on all of this, which I’ll admit, still makes me smile…
“You made one of the biggest changes I’ve ever seen in any business. To go from wanting to shut it down to six months later having something that could potentially support us financially is incredible.”
When all the hard work pays off…
One of our biggest goals was to buy a house. After living with my parents for what felt like the longest year of my life, I can’t tell you how happy I am now that we’re officially homeowners!
All of this time and all of the hard work we’ve put into our marriage and the business has all been leading to this. The house is what I’ve been working so hard for all this time. It wasn’t easy and there was a lot of sleepless nights spent writing blog posts, designing graphics and so on before I brought on team members to help out. However, it was all worth it.
Though I’ve got to admit, it wasn’t until I started to invest in a business coach that I started making consistent income. Learning about the ins and outs of actually running a business is what helped me to turn my passion for lashes into a long-term career.
If you find yourself in a similar position to mine or you’re going through something right now that has left you doubting yourself and your business, I hope that my story will shed some light on the realities of life.
Running a business and parenting two kids and supporting a husband with PTSD isn’t easy, but it is worth it and there is help out there, all you have to do is be willing to ask for it!
Part two of this two-part series, where Chris and I take part in a very revealing Q&A session is coming up soon! To make sure you don’t miss it, follow me on Instagram and Facebook for regular updates!
Have a Good One!
Tara Walsh
The Lashpreneur
